If we were having coffee…
… it would be at Stagecoach. Other places in town serve coffee, but there’s really only one coffee shop and that is Stagecoach.
Plus I have two gift certificates.
And a CoachClub card.
We would sit in the back room, out of the flow of traffic, where it’s a little quieter for a tete-a-tete.
Of course, this would be in lieu of our weekly email.
I love our weekly emails and the assignments you give me. They help me think and focus and figure things out.
And I did this week’s assignment — mostly.
But I didn’t email it to you because of your grief.
In fact, if we were having coffee, I would reach across the table, take your hand, and ask you to tell me about your friend. Tell me about your greatest adventure with him. Tell me about the fun and funny things you did together. Tell me about the music you made when you were both badasses.
And I wouldn’t care if you cried, because I would probably cry too, even though I never knew him. I know you and that’s enough.
Plus, I would be prepared with a supply of tissues.
Knowing you, you might still nudge me on my assignments.
- Did I start listing the things I got done at the end of each day? No, not really.
- Did I start working on that book? I tried, but it feels like I’m trying to force a flower open before it’s ready to blossom and I’m just going to wreck the thing. Or like taking bread out of the oven too early and it’s doughy and not very good. I did resume my research, which is fun and enjoyable and a diversion.
- Did I face my fear? Did I characterize it? Yes. Yes, I did. My fear comes in the form of a strict schoolmaster. Tall. Gaunt. Angry. He points a bony finger at me and doesn’t say a word. I know. I know that I have failed him again. What I did wasn’t good enough. How do I make that fear manageable?
If we were having coffee, at this point, I might try to shift that conversation away from me again. I don’t like thinking about my fear. It gives me knots in my stomach.
Plus, I really do care more about you than about my failures.
If we were having coffee, I would like some time to sit quietly, too. Sometimes sitting quietly with a friend is the greatest gift of all.
We could people watch or listen to the geese honking as they fly south.
We could sip our coffee and enjoy each other’s company.
I would like that.